Complicated Love Lives
by softnerd
Summary: Hermes visits his kids at Camp, and he gets a first-hand experience why you never, ever, EVER tease the Hermes Cabin. Under any circumstances. Even if you're Hermes.


based off of what happened to my cousin with her dad three weeks ago w/ her boyfriend

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_Complicated Love Lives_

Hermes looked around the camp, observing the camp with amusement. Dozens of demigods ran around the camp, laughing, training, some kissing each other. Which Hermes severed one or two of them from each other for the purpose of making sure he didn't have another grandchild anytime soon, and to make sure it wasn't any of his kids trying to swallow one another.

Hermes smiled as he heard Dionysus bellow behind him,

"Ah, Hermes, come to take those brats of yours off my hands, eh? Well, they will certainly not be missed," Hermes rolled his eyes, Martha hissed and George snickered,

_Man's got a point, _started George, _The last time I saw them all, Travis put me in some Ares kid's underpants. Then Connor gave the Ares kid a wedgie._

_Oh there not so bad, they're all so sweet. They have...frightening...skills- but they're sweet. _Martha insisted. Dionysus glared at the sound of their voices.

"And I see you brought your pets," George hissed at him. Hermes sighed,

"I've just come to see my kids, Dionysus." Hermes had nothing against the wine god, but after someones turned your child into a dolphin over seventeen times, in the past year, it's hard not to be a little sour.

"Oh, yeah, well, if your lucky they'd be in their cabin. But- if they're not there follow the clouds of smoke and screaming." Hermes huffed,

"Oh, ha-ha, baby brother," Dionysus smirk flipped to a frown, and he glowered at Hermes, burning holes into his back as he jogged toward his cabin. Hermes whistled slightly as he walked, and knocked first on the cabin door.

"Kids?" He called, he heard a brief noise come from inside the cabin, so he shrugged, and pulled the door open, he heard a yell of protest from behind him, and suddenly the door was pushed closed. Hermes turned, surprised to see three of his children, his eldest sons at Camp, Travis, Connor and Chris.

"Dad!" Chris jumped in, leaning against the doorway, obviously trying to be casual. Hermes quirked an eyebrow, but laughed,

"Hey, boys! How're you?" Travis smiled,

"We're good!" He smiled, flashing a impish grin. Connor looked Hermes up and down, and threw his hands in the air,

"Ah, to Hades with it- bring it in for a man-hug, Pops!" Connor laughed, Hermes hugged him, warmly, chuckling all the while.

"So, uh, Dad. Not that we're not psyched to see you here and all, but why are you here?" Chris asked, still pushing his weight against the door. Hermes smiled at him, and remembered something.

"A father can't visit his kids? And a better question is why are _you _here, Christopher Rodriguez? Aren't you supposed to be at NYU?" Chris blushed, rubbing his neck, Travis smirked and Connor smugly muttered,

"_Busted." _Chris glared at him, before turning back to Hermes.

"Yeah, well, I came down to visit Clarisse for the weekend." Hermes nodded,

"Ah! Well you need any, uh, you know..." Chris shook his head, and Hermes sighed,

"I don't want to be a grandpa again any time soon, so here." Chris blushed a deep red, as Hermes fished through his jacket pocket for a condom.

"Gah! Dad! Perv! No, no, no, no!" Chris shook his head, getting a grossed out look on his face, as Hermes successfully pulled out an unused pack of Trojan. Connor and Travis clutched their sides, and Hermes turned to them,

"What are you two laughing at? I watch both of you, too! I see what you to do! Travis, for Gaia's sake, the Demeter girl loves you," Travis stopped laughing, "Connor, I'm your father, I love you- but let's face it. The Ashleigh girl is out of your league." Connor pouted,

"Harsh, man." Connor, Travis and Chris exchanged a horrifyingly mischievous looks, and nodded to the door where the odd noises were coming from.

"Hey, Dad," Connor started, "Y'know, uh, Lila's inside!" Chris smirked, and Travis bit his lip. Hermes smiled,

"Oh, really? I'd love to see her before I leave, I hardly ever have the time..." As he said this his phone went off, Hermes ignored it with a grimace. Chris nodded,

"Then, go see her." Hermes smiled and walked through the door, and let out a scream with the sight he was greeted with. His only daughter, Lila, was getting it on with her boyfriend, Pollux, on her bunk bed. Lila and Pollux shrieked with shock, and a thud echoed out onto the floor as Hermes fainted.

"That's what he gets for dissing our love lives."

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DISS read/review


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